Category Archives: Random musings

The persistence of remembrance

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It’s been a long, long while. My silence on the page has not equated with a silence in the mind.

This April marked 10 years since my last visit to my homeland and what was once home in that most abstract sense. So, so much has happened in that time on both sides of the pond and in both of the worlds my life now straddles. In short, life happened, both for me and for those who remained ‘there’.

Whilst, physically, I occupy a space far removed from what was once and in some ephemeral sense will always be my home, the persistence of that life and all the various actors in it pulls and tugs and in some ways torments me. As much as I have come to love my European life, I long for the quiet familiar of people and things I’ve known in the way you know a crack in the ceiling which has existed for as long as you can remember. Mostly, I miss individuals and the moments shared with them.

The wonder that is the virtual world, which is all too real today as technology outpaces our comprehension of it, has made connecting with and communicating vastly easier and instantaneous. Yet, face-to-face sit downs over coffee, tea, wine, bourbon and beer (not all at once, mind — the particular bevie depends on the person, circumstance and time of day, naturally), coupled with cuisine that is thoroughly representative of a country known for its adolescent gluttony are what I miss most. Seeing the gentle (and perhaps glaring) reality checks that time has indeed passed up close and personal feels somehow necessary. Being able to hear and feel an old friend’s voice and silent breath seems priceless at the moment. And, yes, perhaps finally and definitively laying to rest a few ghosts from days’ past has weighed (at times, heavily) on my mind.

Perhaps this longing and need have made finding my voice and putting down those thoughts in some sort of coherent mess so tedious as of late. Sure, life and with that I mean work has occupied much of that mental space normally reserved for the cathartic purging of the mind. But, carving out time to process the beauty, joy, mind-bendingly absurd, action-inducing rage and mundane helps clarify where I need to go next, what I need to ‘focus’ on and where most of my energy should be spent. It helps highlight what is important and what is essentially trivial non-sense. And, it reminds me of just how far I’ve come and how much I want to still accomplish on this crazy journey.

Still, memory is a funny thing.

I think it was my first trip to the UK when I learned of the Remembrance Poppy. When I see poppies now, I remember. I remember those who I cannot be with for whatever reason. Lately, I am remembering the home that was, whilst also realising how fortunate I am to have found a new one. I wonder if that persistent tug of war between the two will ever ease.

In many ways, I hope it doesn’t.

The peace of a poppy

The peace of a poppy

Waiting room antiques

by in #365grateful, Everyday Life, Finland, Health, Healthcare, Helsinki, Random musings and tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment
Unexpectedly transported to another time

Unexpectedly transported to another time

Finland has a most impressive national healthcare system universally available to all residents. In terms of efficiency against quality, Finland ranks 23rd in the world. Touch wood, we’ve been fortunate to remain relatively healthy during our stay here and have enjoyed precious little in the way of waiting times, received excellent services in English and been generally impressed with the level of service and quality of equipment, facilities and medicines (when necessary).

There are moments, however, when we feel as though we’ve stepped into a time machine and been transplanted into the 1950s or so. From the architecture to the fixtures coupled with the design and decor including the furniture in the lobbies, it’s an incredibly surreal experience.

This particular waiting room is situated in the radiology department in one of the local hospital complexes in Helsinki. It’s a gorgeous location not far from our neighbourhood and not far from the very centre of the city. As with much of Helsinki, it is surrounded by a lovely park, and much of the hospital complex seems far too historically significant to house the modern diagnostic tools necessary for a top-notch healthcare system. Yet, it does.

When we returned a few days ago to this particular waiting room for a routine part of a check up, we once again marveled at the furnishings. These particular chairs and the very long bench/sofas which matched them could be equally appropriate for the set of Mad Men or in an episode of The Jetsons.

What made the experience all the more surreal was the film which was showing on the gigantic flat screen on the wall. Nevermind that the flat screen was a complete mismatch with the rest of the decor. The film playing on it was absolutely perfect. We’ve no idea what the film was nor what was really happening other than what appeared to be a lot of silliness. A Finnish film from most likely the same time period during which the furniture we sat on was manufactured, it perfectly matched the era of the room whilst allowing for a little comedic relief for the nervous patients awaiting their various scans. We watched completely perplexed as various Finnish actors from days gone by paraded around the black-and-white set in a series of dance moves which, quite frankly, made no sense at all. It was fantastic. Utterly and totally fantastic.

What a way to spend a bit of time. The scan went well and all is as it should be in terms of our health and well-being. Many thanks to the fantastic folks in the Finnish healthcare system who not only provide great care, but who also might just have a hidden sense of humour which comes through in the most unlikeliest of places.

Lost and potentially found, part 2

by in #365grateful, Everyday Life, Finland, Gratitude, Helsinki, Inspiration, Random musings and tagged , | 1 Comment
Another day, another lost (and found) mitten

Another day, another lost (and found) mitten

On Sunday evening, I spied the above mitten draped on a branch close to one of the bicycle trails traversing through our neighbourhood. The next morning, it was still there and looking lovelier than ever in the bright yet dappled sunlight, as if it were expectantly awaiting the hand to which it belongs.

Every time I stumble across one of these lost and found although not-yet-reunited items, it gives me hope for humanity. They brighten my day and remind of how even the simplest random acts of kindness and charity can mean the world to another individual. Having lost things myself at one time or another, I understand the joy and relief that accompanies that moment of realisation when finding something I thought was gone forever.

It’d be easy for whoever discovered this mitten to have just left it where it lay. It would have been just as easy to have picked it up and thrown it away. Yet, they didn’t. That someone took the time to pick it up and hang it in a place where it could be easily spotted.

So simple. So easy. And, yet, so selfless. And, dare I say, hopeful. Hopeful that its rightful owner would travel that same route again and discover what they had misplaced, dropped and possibly considered long gone.

A few lines from Edmund Spenser’s The Faerie Queene have been running through my mind since seeing this particular mitten, words which are cued whenever I think of items lost and searched for:

For whatsoever from one place doth fall,
Is with the tide unto an other brought:
For there is nothing lost, that may be found, if sought.

I’d love to hang out near one of these objects sought to witness the instant when it is found once again.

Day 52: Proekt 365 (Sweetness in the morning)

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Day 52: Proekt 365 Sweetness in the Morning

Day 52: Proekt 365
Sweetness in the Morning

Today was an odd day. I woke up entirely too early (~5 am) and in a rather annoyed mood. The mood subsided quickly, but by about 14.00 this afternoon I needed much more caffeine and a disco nap. My plan for a proper vehicle for the go-go juice didn’t quick work out as I’d hoped or intended, and there was no disco nap. First World Problems at their finest, eh?

It wasn’t a bad day at all. Just surreal, largely due to a lack of sleep which resulted in a complete inability to focus or make a quick decision of any kind.

But, all of the best-laid plans which didn’t quite work out and all the annoyances of the day don’t really matter.

I snapped this photo this morning as my darling furry beast slept sweetly and soundly with my other not nearly so furry un-beast. It melts my heart now along with all the annoyances of the day immediately, just as it did when I saw them this morning. As I opened the photo this evening, I could also hear her sweet somber-induced snores — The Cat’s not The Cuban’s (yes, she does snore, and quite loudly, too!)

My family. My sweet, sweet family.

Day 50: Proekt 365 (Coffee for the masses)

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Day 50: Proekt 365 Coffee, coffee everywhere; not a drop to drink

Day 50: Proekt 365
Coffee, coffee everywhere; not a drop to drink

Finland consumes more coffee per capita than any other country on the planet, and by quite some margin. On average, 12.0 kg are consumed per coffee capita each year in Finland. (Yes, I did actually type ‘per coffee’ there, before realising what I’d done.) I’m guessing that we lie at the higher end of that particular scale, and possibly represent outliers.

But, I like this stat. In fact, I love it.

Yesterday, a friend and I spied this scene from a renovation site in the Helsinki city centre. Rather appropriate given where we are. We didn’t see any of the individuals who consumed these various cups. Perhaps they were on a coffee break.

Day 49: Proekt 365 (On randomness)

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Day 49: Proekt 365 A random find in a random place

Day 49: Proekt 365
A random find in a random place

I’m continually amazed at how meaningful seemingly insignificant moments can bring such pure and simple joy — random finds, random acts and examples of kindness and goodness and chance meetings can make such a huge difference on days which seem mundane. Yesterday, when meeting up with two friends, we sat down at the table to find this tiny little origami scene. A random bit of loveliness on an otherwise dreary day.

So many moments on most days are utterly random and governed not by careful planning but by the intricate and delicate mixture of us and the various pieces in any particular scene. Change one ingredient and the result can be vastly different.

The Cuban and I took a taxi a few days ago and it was without a doubt the best taxi ride ever. Why? Well, the music didn’t hurt (i.e., blues, more specifically, B. B. King) coupled with an amazing sound system the driver was obviously proud of. But, mostly, it was the taxi driver himself. He was chatty from the moment we opened the door and on the entire route home, hilariously witty and obviously enjoying himself as much as we were entertained and amused. The typical taxi ride in Helsinki consists of a whole lot of silence. This ride was anything but that. What made it even more meaningful was just how random it was that we sat in that particular taxi. Best taxi ride ever. We’ll probably never see that guy again, but all other taxi rides will be measured against that one.

Yesterday’s origami find was equally random and no less lovely. As we were searching for a table, we noticed some folks getting ready to leave and waited. Had we not waited or had we arrived either an instant earlier or later, we most probably would have missed the little paper goose, tiny boats and cranes.

Many of the people we meet come into our lives in much the same way. Chance meetings may result in a whole lot of nothing; but, occasionally, they result in life-long bonds which withstand distance and circumstance and time. That The Cuban and I met was somewhat random. So many individual pieces in our lives had to have fallen into place in just the right way, sequence and time to have allowed us to be in Moscow at the right time. Shift any of the pieces and who knows?

Just as the randomness can cause unimaginable chaos, it can also bring boundless delight. I’ll gladly take the chaos just to experience that unexpected delight as much as possible. Bring on the randomness—at the end of the day, it’s a thing to behold and results in one hell of a ride.

Day 39: Proekt 365 (More than just afternoon tea)

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Day 39: Proekt 365 More than just afternoon tea

Day 39: Proekt 365
More than just afternoon tea

Today is not a standard Caturday of fun—I’m once again sat behind my lovely desk pounding away at the keyboard in a desperate attempt to meet my Monday deadlines. As I hit that afternoon lull that always greets me between 14.00–16.00, I contemplated a re-dosing of coffee before deciding to have a spot of afternoon green tea. I’m glad I did.

Not only do I love this particular teapot— a total impulse buy found on sale at Indiska several years ago—but, every pot of tea reminds me of some lovely friends in Amsterdam and various Caturdays spent doing all manner of things silly and fun. To keep my tea warm, my friends Brad and Christopher helped me acquire not just this particular tea warmer, but also a twin of its which suffered an unfortunate and mysterious accident after I became thoroughly attached to and dependent upon it. (Said tea warmer still functions, but looks a little less lovely.)

That first teapot warmer was found on our first outing to an antique market in Haarlem several years ago, which necessitated an insanely early morning alarm for someone who had imbibed a little too much the night before. (Nope. Wasn’t me. I swear.) These two darling friends took great care of me that day, and indulged my immediate infatuation with the idea of a teapot warmer by helping me score this beauty. Every time I use it, I am reminded of Christopher’s race to find the very best antiques. He searches carefully, keeping tabs on the behaviour and movements of his competitors and, then, swoops in at just the right moment to find that special something. It’s a lovely sight. Brad had told me that the closer we’d get to the market, the quicker Christopher’s pace would become. A more apt description I’ve never heard!

It’s an incredibly fun way to spend a day, even if it does start early. And, reminds me of just how much The Cuban and I need to get to Amsterdam to visit all those friends we haven’t seen in far, far too long!

But, today is also made special because of the particular tea in the teapot. Those same friends  also turned me on to one of my favourite teas these days — Bigelow Mango Green Tea hits the spot on a chilly, grey winter afternoon. It’s so perfect, I might just go for two pots today.

I may be trapped at my desk today. But, at least I’m surrounded by reminders of more relaxing days spent in fine company. (And, as soon as possible, we will get there for a visit, guys!)

Day 36: Proekt 365 (My girlfriends)

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Day 36: Proekt 365 To all my Thelmas & Louises

Day 36: Proekt 365
To all my Thelmas & Louises

No film captures the bond of friendship and ‘family’ I feel towards my closest girlfriends more than Thelma and Louise. Steel Magnolias comes very close, but can also just as easily apply to some of my very best guy friends as well. (In fact, there is one particular friend for whom that film fits better…but, I digress.) There is something specifically about Thelma and Louise as individuals and the journey they share which reflects just what I would do and how far I’d go for my sisters—the sisters I may not share a last name with, but with whom I share a very deep and real bond.

Today was all about sharing moments with some of my ‘sistahs’ in Helsinki. I didn’t get to see all of those I’d like to have (you know who you are and it will happen soon, damnit!), but I saw more than I’d expected to when I walked out the door this afternoon. That’s fine by me.

In the few stolen moments I scheduled for some quality time with my girlfriends, my plan was initially for a late lunch with one friend who is currently house-bound due to an unfortunate pasta accident. We were delightfully joined by another friend who is moving on far too soon to another country — the awful part about being an expat, but one we all deal with in whatever way we can. At this point, any chance we get to schedule quick meet ups and a few more moments of face-to-face bonding are very welcome. Before heading home, I decided to try to squeeze in a quick cup of tea to catch up with yet another girlfriend I’d not seen in a while. And, then, there was the random running in to yet another girlfriend at the supermarket whose been on my mind and I’d not seen lately.

Basically, it was all about the ladies today.

I’m very fortunate. In every place I’ve lived, I’ve met and been lucky enough to get to know and become close friends with some truly extraordinary women, most of whom are still in my life today. Despite many years and miles separating us, I’m quite confident that we’d easily pick up right where we left off the last time we saw one another given our all-too-infrequent communiques these days.

But, here in Helsinki, perhaps more so than in any other moment in my life, I feel downright blessed by the closeness and extent of what I’ve come to view as my sisterhood of girlfriends. All of the women I know and love here are incredibly talented, smart, witty and truly special in one way or another. They are as varied as women everywhere are, and each has taught me something important at key moments. We’ve been through some shit together as each of us has had to deal with life’s more challenging aspects on various occasions. And, I can only hope to be there for them a fraction as much as they’ve been there for me.

I don’t have my own picture from today. How could I pick just one instant to capture given the many moments of joy these girlfriends of mine provided? So, I’m borrowing Thelma and Louise, partially because I love this particular image so much, but also because I want all of those women who I’m lucky enough to call my friends to know that I’d do just about anything for them.

Good. Bad. Near. Far. New. Old. And everything in between, y’all bring more to my world than I’ll ever deserve and infinitely more than I ever expected. I love ya, sistahs! This post is for you.

Day 35: Proekt 365 (A family snowman affair)

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Day 35: Proekt 365 Neighbourhood snowman & the family who made him

Day 35: Proekt 365
Neighbourhood snowman & the family who made him

This was perhaps my favourite moment of the year so far. Or at least one which became even lovelier as I was taking my daily photo.

Today, as The Cuban and I took a quick break and brisk walk through the neighbourhood, we stumbled upon this jolly frozen fellow, complete with a carrot nose. I whipped out my trusty Galaxy S III to take a picture for my daily blog of all things lovely and who should pop up in the window behind him but the little girl, her mother and brother, whom I’m assuming made him. They waved and smiled and waved and smiled the entire time I fumbled and waved and tried to take my photo. (If you look carefully in the upper left-hand section of the photo, you can see their shapes just barely.) It’s a good thing I got the photo the first time—this was the only one I managed to snap in the few minutes were stood there!

I don’t honestly know who was more delighted: us or them? The snowman was more than sufficient to make my day brighter. But, the sight of that lovely family — mother, dauther and son — waving just as idiotically back at us as we were at them was truly wonderful and heart-warming, particularly in a country were emotional displays such as this are rare.

It’s true: if you smile at someone, they will most likely return that smile.

Day 31: Proekt 365 (The magic of snow)

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Day 31: Proekt 365 The magical wonder that is snow

Day 31: Proekt 365
The magical wonder that is snow

All day, I’ve lived in this bubble of excitement. You could probably run a small appliance on the energy coursing through my veins today. All because of snow.

Earlier in the week, we had forecasts of snow for this weekend, which had a predicted arrival of late Friday / early Saturday. It was like waiting for Christmas in many ways. And, to be honest, I squealed with sheer delight when I looked out the window earlier today and saw what looked like the inside of a gigantic snow globe.  The thrill of a possible ‘snow day’ was relived, although ‘snow day’ has absolutely zero relevance in my life today, other than being a day during which snow has fallen. But, I love it all the same.

I honestly don’t know what it is specifically about snow that I love so much. As I was out this evening, the biting chill of ice shards hitting my face were not so lovely. But, watching the snow swirl in the street lights and that which had fallen blow and drift on the sidewalks, it all provided a bit of beauty and life oddly enough to an otherwise lifeless landscape. Everything seems so lifeless in winter, particularly this far north. Yet, snow always seems to provide this sense of something else—a metamorphosis of sorts into a new beginning, a purification of all that was, a chance to reset and recalibrate. The world seems utterly transformed and somehow different after a significant snowfall. Each season has its purpose; to me, winter and specifically snow is all about that transition from what was to what can be. Perhaps that is why I love snow so much.

Never has a bus ride home, particularly on the night bus, passed so quickly. It may have been the combination of Radiohead and snow (as well as a few glasses of red wine and the residual high from an evening of great company amongst good friends), but it was fabulous. Perhaps the loveliest of all things this evening was walking on freshly fallen, completely-undisturbed-by-anyone-else snow. The sound and the silence at once enchant me.

As Helsinki braces itself for a massive amount of snow, I know I should hope for less of it. But, honestly and for purely selfish reasons, I am screaming ‘let it snow, let it snow, let it snow’ as loud as humanly possible.