Category Archives: Everyday Life

The persistence of remembrance

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It’s been a long, long while. My silence on the page has not equated with a silence in the mind.

This April marked 10 years since my last visit to my homeland and what was once home in that most abstract sense. So, so much has happened in that time on both sides of the pond and in both of the worlds my life now straddles. In short, life happened, both for me and for those who remained ‘there’.

Whilst, physically, I occupy a space far removed from what was once and in some ephemeral sense will always be my home, the persistence of that life and all the various actors in it pulls and tugs and in some ways torments me. As much as I have come to love my European life, I long for the quiet familiar of people and things I’ve known in the way you know a crack in the ceiling which has existed for as long as you can remember. Mostly, I miss individuals and the moments shared with them.

The wonder that is the virtual world, which is all too real today as technology outpaces our comprehension of it, has made connecting with and communicating vastly easier and instantaneous. Yet, face-to-face sit downs over coffee, tea, wine, bourbon and beer (not all at once, mind — the particular bevie depends on the person, circumstance and time of day, naturally), coupled with cuisine that is thoroughly representative of a country known for its adolescent gluttony are what I miss most. Seeing the gentle (and perhaps glaring) reality checks that time has indeed passed up close and personal feels somehow necessary. Being able to hear and feel an old friend’s voice and silent breath seems priceless at the moment. And, yes, perhaps finally and definitively laying to rest a few ghosts from days’ past has weighed (at times, heavily) on my mind.

Perhaps this longing and need have made finding my voice and putting down those thoughts in some sort of coherent mess so tedious as of late. Sure, life and with that I mean work has occupied much of that mental space normally reserved for the cathartic purging of the mind. But, carving out time to process the beauty, joy, mind-bendingly absurd, action-inducing rage and mundane helps clarify where I need to go next, what I need to ‘focus’ on and where most of my energy should be spent. It helps highlight what is important and what is essentially trivial non-sense. And, it reminds me of just how far I’ve come and how much I want to still accomplish on this crazy journey.

Still, memory is a funny thing.

I think it was my first trip to the UK when I learned of the Remembrance Poppy. When I see poppies now, I remember. I remember those who I cannot be with for whatever reason. Lately, I am remembering the home that was, whilst also realising how fortunate I am to have found a new one. I wonder if that persistent tug of war between the two will ever ease.

In many ways, I hope it doesn’t.

The peace of a poppy

The peace of a poppy

Waiting room antiques

by in #365grateful, Everyday Life, Finland, Health, Healthcare, Helsinki, Random musings and tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment
Unexpectedly transported to another time

Unexpectedly transported to another time

Finland has a most impressive national healthcare system universally available to all residents. In terms of efficiency against quality, Finland ranks 23rd in the world. Touch wood, we’ve been fortunate to remain relatively healthy during our stay here and have enjoyed precious little in the way of waiting times, received excellent services in English and been generally impressed with the level of service and quality of equipment, facilities and medicines (when necessary).

There are moments, however, when we feel as though we’ve stepped into a time machine and been transplanted into the 1950s or so. From the architecture to the fixtures coupled with the design and decor including the furniture in the lobbies, it’s an incredibly surreal experience.

This particular waiting room is situated in the radiology department in one of the local hospital complexes in Helsinki. It’s a gorgeous location not far from our neighbourhood and not far from the very centre of the city. As with much of Helsinki, it is surrounded by a lovely park, and much of the hospital complex seems far too historically significant to house the modern diagnostic tools necessary for a top-notch healthcare system. Yet, it does.

When we returned a few days ago to this particular waiting room for a routine part of a check up, we once again marveled at the furnishings. These particular chairs and the very long bench/sofas which matched them could be equally appropriate for the set of Mad Men or in an episode of The Jetsons.

What made the experience all the more surreal was the film which was showing on the gigantic flat screen on the wall. Nevermind that the flat screen was a complete mismatch with the rest of the decor. The film playing on it was absolutely perfect. We’ve no idea what the film was nor what was really happening other than what appeared to be a lot of silliness. A Finnish film from most likely the same time period during which the furniture we sat on was manufactured, it perfectly matched the era of the room whilst allowing for a little comedic relief for the nervous patients awaiting their various scans. We watched completely perplexed as various Finnish actors from days gone by paraded around the black-and-white set in a series of dance moves which, quite frankly, made no sense at all. It was fantastic. Utterly and totally fantastic.

What a way to spend a bit of time. The scan went well and all is as it should be in terms of our health and well-being. Many thanks to the fantastic folks in the Finnish healthcare system who not only provide great care, but who also might just have a hidden sense of humour which comes through in the most unlikeliest of places.

Lost and potentially found, part 2

by in #365grateful, Everyday Life, Finland, Gratitude, Helsinki, Inspiration, Random musings and tagged , | 1 Comment
Another day, another lost (and found) mitten

Another day, another lost (and found) mitten

On Sunday evening, I spied the above mitten draped on a branch close to one of the bicycle trails traversing through our neighbourhood. The next morning, it was still there and looking lovelier than ever in the bright yet dappled sunlight, as if it were expectantly awaiting the hand to which it belongs.

Every time I stumble across one of these lost and found although not-yet-reunited items, it gives me hope for humanity. They brighten my day and remind of how even the simplest random acts of kindness and charity can mean the world to another individual. Having lost things myself at one time or another, I understand the joy and relief that accompanies that moment of realisation when finding something I thought was gone forever.

It’d be easy for whoever discovered this mitten to have just left it where it lay. It would have been just as easy to have picked it up and thrown it away. Yet, they didn’t. That someone took the time to pick it up and hang it in a place where it could be easily spotted.

So simple. So easy. And, yet, so selfless. And, dare I say, hopeful. Hopeful that its rightful owner would travel that same route again and discover what they had misplaced, dropped and possibly considered long gone.

A few lines from Edmund Spenser’s The Faerie Queene have been running through my mind since seeing this particular mitten, words which are cued whenever I think of items lost and searched for:

For whatsoever from one place doth fall,
Is with the tide unto an other brought:
For there is nothing lost, that may be found, if sought.

I’d love to hang out near one of these objects sought to witness the instant when it is found once again.

Lost, but will be found…? (Day 68: Proekt 365)

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Day 68: Proekt 365 Lost, and to be found?

Day 68: Proekt 365
Lost, and to be found?

Evidently, Helsinki is the most honest city on the planet. There are signs of this simple truth all around if you just know what to look for.

Today, I spied this lovely little mitten which someone had placed very visibly along one of the paths near our flat. Hopefully, its owner will find it soon enough. It’s lovely and bright in an otherwise colourless landscape and far too beautiful to be without its mate.

Yesterday, I found one of my own gloves which I’d dropped a little closer to home. As we left yesterday afternoon to run a few errands, I notice one of my gloves on the windowsill in our stairwell. Honestly, I didn’t even know I’d lost it! (Thanks to the person who found it!)

You’d be amazed at the items you spot along paths and routes all over the place. We’ve seen reading glasses, scarves, pacifiers, gloves and mittens (obviously) along with a number of different types and styles of hats. Sometimes, they remain there for ages. Others disappear, hopefully after finding their way home.

The general rule seems to be to place the item so that it is roughly at eye level. This can be a challenge given the range of heights for most folks in Helsinki. But, you want to situate the item such that it is obviously waiting to be found. Trees are the most common place lost things are hung so that they may be discovered. Bus stops and benches are also likely spots for the unclaimed and forgotten stuff unintentionally left behind.

It’s nice seeing these little reminders of compassion amongst fellow residents. And, hopefully, all those items which were lost will be found if not by their owners then at least by someone who will appreciate them.

Day 65: Proekt 365 (Lost in translation…)

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Day 65: Proekt 365 Lost in Translation

Day 65: Proekt 365
Lost in Translation

Life took over and threw a few curve balls. The busy-ness of work and a few days of unfortunate news resulted in a short hiatus from the posts which are Proekt 365. Despite a lack of posts, I have been taking time out each day to revel in the little bits of goodness around me. And, there are many even on the gloomiest of days.

Today, though, provided a bit of comedic relief. I’ve recently returned to the life of gym bunnies and joined a local fitness centre. It’s a great, no frills sort of place, with a dedicated women’s only section. No classes, no annoyingly cheerful and well-toned (if not ridiculously young) staff watching to make you feel even more self-conscious—just a bunch of equipment and locker rooms and 24/7 access. And, others hoping to get fit and stay in shape.

In addition to being generally impressed with how low-maintenance the whole process has been thus far, many of the signs hung throughout are written not just in Finnish, of which I understand nothing, but also feature English. I greatly appreciate this bi-lingual attention. But, it also provides a bit of insight as my friend pointed out in just how different English and Finnish are to one another.

Case in point, the picture above. The upper portion of the sign in the Finnish seems a little less cumbersome and wordy in English. The information in both languages, according to my friend whose Finnish is amazing, is the same. It just takes a bit more work to convey the same message in Finnish, evidently.

Oh, Finland. With signs like this, my hope of ever learning any of your native language is once again dashed. Ah well.

It just makes me all the more appreciative of how incredibly awesome Finns’ English is. In another moment from today, I had to phone my bank. The first person who answered the phone told me in absolutely perfect English that, no, she did not speak English. But, if I could hold the line, she would get someone else who did. (I swear, her accent was absolutely perfect and her language skills were flawless!)

Lost in translation, indeed.

Day 55: Proekt 365 (Blackbird singing…)

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There is something so comforting and uplifting about the first songs of the various birds as they return to our neighbourhood each spring. Some of these birds return much earlier than we ever expect. Some disappear far too soon with summer solstice. But, from the Annoying Bird of Spring to the plentiful blackbirds and nightingales, we’ll take them all. And, most of all, we’ll delight in their songs.

Yesterday evening as The Cuban and I enjoyed the lengthening day which also marks the beginning of the end of winter and the imminent arrival of spring, we were delighted to hear the blackbird’s song and its return to our hood.

For whatever reason, both of us love the blackbird above all others. Its song is so joyful, almost playful. Even the worst days are made somehow better when the blackbird sings from high atop the trees across the street from our flat. Maybe it’s that its song rings loudest at the end of the day just before darkness descends, somehow serving as a beacon to guide us home. In the woods near our flat, the blackbird’s song is the loveliest of all. Its resonance and pitch almost light up the woods even as the sun fades below the horizon.

Maybe we simply love the blackbird’s song because we both love the Beatles.

Day 53: Proekt 365 (A story for Caturday)

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So, Saturday is also known as Caturday in this house. In truth, every day is Caturday given the size of our darling beastie’s personality.

But, there was a time when we had not just Che Fufu, but also Kissochka—a thoroughly Russian cat with an equally large presence and personality, although very different to Che Fufu. Kissochka was my cat when The Cuban and I met. Later, we adopted Che Fufu. Kissochka was not amused but was also wildly protective of the tiny furball who invaded her territory. It was ever-so sweet and ever-so confusing.

Today, The Cuban sent me the sweetest of stories retelling this history from his perspective. In my first reading of it, I didn’t realise it was his writing for whatever reason, although I chalk that up to the utter lack of focus I’ve been experiencing today and other issues weighing on my mind. (Also, his writing in English has improved tremendously in the 8+ years we’ve been together!) But, this story is so accurate and so lovely to read given that it’s how he experienced that time, it’s made my Caturday.

So, I give you, his Story for Caturday, unedited and in his own words:

On Pet-religion.

When I was a kid we had a dog and his name was Lobo. That’s Spanish for wolf. Mean Little-Red-Ridding-Hood-for-breakfast kind of dog. It’s easy to see growing up with a dog would make anyone a dog person. But Lobo didn’t last long. My mom had to give him away because he was so protective he wouldn’t let anyone get close to the kids. I still became kind of a dog person because of my dad. He loved dogs and he had a very smart and sweet Doberman. Not so sweet if you crossed the garden fence uninvited.

Growing up in a misogynist patriarchal society meant having a dog was the typical reinforcement of macho attitudes. Cats were for pussies, that was the mindset.

When I finally could live by myself I didn’t get a pet. I always thought a dog was not suitable to live in a small flat. And when asked about pets I would reply I was a dog person. That was the pet-religion inculcated into me.

One day I got a girlfriend with a cat. I would explain I was not a cat person but didn’t mind cats. When she moved in with the cat I started to realize pet-religion was hogwash. I went through long periods of doubt, insecurity and despair thinking I would end up in dog hell.

It was my dad’s suggestion I’d take some quantum physics that led me to solve my uncertainty. First we had a cat, then a second cat was added to the equation. The cats interacted with each other showing love, hate, and both – love and hate at the same time. I thought it was interesting and sweet… if I was awake. Not so much if I was sleeping and the eye of the cat-storm was passing over my head. How accurate could I predict cat-one’s position knowing cat-two’s momentum? It was all too complicated but the fact Schrodinger used a cat for his famous entanglement experiment made me see the light in the end.

I guess the point of the story is let your child grow up to decide which pet to worship.

And this is how I became a Catheist.

Day 52: Proekt 365 (Sweetness in the morning)

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Day 52: Proekt 365 Sweetness in the Morning

Day 52: Proekt 365
Sweetness in the Morning

Today was an odd day. I woke up entirely too early (~5 am) and in a rather annoyed mood. The mood subsided quickly, but by about 14.00 this afternoon I needed much more caffeine and a disco nap. My plan for a proper vehicle for the go-go juice didn’t quick work out as I’d hoped or intended, and there was no disco nap. First World Problems at their finest, eh?

It wasn’t a bad day at all. Just surreal, largely due to a lack of sleep which resulted in a complete inability to focus or make a quick decision of any kind.

But, all of the best-laid plans which didn’t quite work out and all the annoyances of the day don’t really matter.

I snapped this photo this morning as my darling furry beast slept sweetly and soundly with my other not nearly so furry un-beast. It melts my heart now along with all the annoyances of the day immediately, just as it did when I saw them this morning. As I opened the photo this evening, I could also hear her sweet somber-induced snores — The Cat’s not The Cuban’s (yes, she does snore, and quite loudly, too!)

My family. My sweet, sweet family.

Day 49: Proekt 365 (On randomness)

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Day 49: Proekt 365 A random find in a random place

Day 49: Proekt 365
A random find in a random place

I’m continually amazed at how meaningful seemingly insignificant moments can bring such pure and simple joy — random finds, random acts and examples of kindness and goodness and chance meetings can make such a huge difference on days which seem mundane. Yesterday, when meeting up with two friends, we sat down at the table to find this tiny little origami scene. A random bit of loveliness on an otherwise dreary day.

So many moments on most days are utterly random and governed not by careful planning but by the intricate and delicate mixture of us and the various pieces in any particular scene. Change one ingredient and the result can be vastly different.

The Cuban and I took a taxi a few days ago and it was without a doubt the best taxi ride ever. Why? Well, the music didn’t hurt (i.e., blues, more specifically, B. B. King) coupled with an amazing sound system the driver was obviously proud of. But, mostly, it was the taxi driver himself. He was chatty from the moment we opened the door and on the entire route home, hilariously witty and obviously enjoying himself as much as we were entertained and amused. The typical taxi ride in Helsinki consists of a whole lot of silence. This ride was anything but that. What made it even more meaningful was just how random it was that we sat in that particular taxi. Best taxi ride ever. We’ll probably never see that guy again, but all other taxi rides will be measured against that one.

Yesterday’s origami find was equally random and no less lovely. As we were searching for a table, we noticed some folks getting ready to leave and waited. Had we not waited or had we arrived either an instant earlier or later, we most probably would have missed the little paper goose, tiny boats and cranes.

Many of the people we meet come into our lives in much the same way. Chance meetings may result in a whole lot of nothing; but, occasionally, they result in life-long bonds which withstand distance and circumstance and time. That The Cuban and I met was somewhat random. So many individual pieces in our lives had to have fallen into place in just the right way, sequence and time to have allowed us to be in Moscow at the right time. Shift any of the pieces and who knows?

Just as the randomness can cause unimaginable chaos, it can also bring boundless delight. I’ll gladly take the chaos just to experience that unexpected delight as much as possible. Bring on the randomness—at the end of the day, it’s a thing to behold and results in one hell of a ride.

Day 45: Proekt 365 (Me & My Valentine)

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Day 45: Proekt 365 Me & My Valentine

Day 45: Proekt 365
Me & My Valentine

What more do I really need to say? I love this man. And, I love that he is in my life each and every day.

I’m grateful that he came into my life not just because he is my love, but because he is my best friend. And, in Finland, Valentine’s Day is about more than love — it’s about friendship and letting your friends know just how important they are to you.

So, here’s to my bestest friend on the planet. Thank you, sweetpea, for being so incredibly awesome!