Category Archives: #365grateful

Full circle

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What a wild, unpredictable, and thoroughly life-affirming ride the past five years have been. Why the past five years? Well, that was the last time we found ourselves on the precipice of a much-needed, long overdue holiday.

Recently, a friend tagged me in a post designed to prompt individuals to reflect upon and post photos of five things for which they are grateful. I have yet to post the actual photos, largely because, at the moment, I’m filled with gratitude for many, many things. I’m fairly certain that I would not have said the same thing this time last year, let alone five years ago. But, given that this will be my last post for 2014, and I started off this year attempting to post daily on all things grateful and lovely, here is my list of things for which I’m most happy. (For those who didn’t know, I have not mastered pith and my list exceeds five.)

The primary and most-persistent and consistent aspect of my life for which I am always grateful remains and will continue to be my husband. We left for our last holiday completely wasted and spent from too much work and not enough time for ourselves. Neither one of us was completely content in our jobs, and we knew then that specific changes were necessary. Since then, some decisions were made for us, others we made for ourselves, and we’ve faced more uncertainty and obstacles in the interceding years than in our entire relationship (and, I’d say, these events have eclipsed everything else in my life). Five years on since our last holiday and facing our 10th New Year together, I’m amazed by him each and everyday. Still. There’s no one with whom I’d rather spend six weeks, 24/7. Hell, we practically spend every waking moment together as it is. I doubt at this stage in life that I could spend 24/7 with anyone other than The Cuban. But, I’m looking forward to disconnecting from the digital world and focusing all of our time on one another and the family and friends we haven’t seen in far too long.

Alongside The Cuban, I’m truly blessed by membership in a tribe of folks both near and far who continue to support both of us in ways that astound me. Too numerous to name them all, as well as the many forms their helping hands assumed, it humbles me and fills me with such awe to call each of these individuals ‘my friend’. I can only hope to reciprocate their kindness and care in some way, particularly when they most need and least expect it. After all, that’s precisely what they did for us.

As much as we harp on about the nuisances of life here in Finland, we’re profoundly grateful to whatever bureaucrat decided that we represented no threat, but might actually contribute a little something to Finnish society and granted us our permanent residence permits. I’ve never known the terror of sorting out the myriad documents true immigrants must navigate and understand. After our ten-month battle, we’re safe to remain together and that’s golden. Above everything, that’s all we really want or need.

This year progressed in the most unexpected ways career-wise. Nearly 15 years since my last foray into a classroom, I found myself standing at the lectern attempting to impart some tiny bit of knowledge, wisdom and experience to eager young(-ish) minds once again. Perhaps more surprising to me more than anyone else, I find myself loving it. Combining a bit of activism and advocacy by way of editing and writing alongside teaching took me from the mind-numbing boredom and frustration of being perpetually underemployed to absolute delight and excitement about returning to work after our holiday. I’m honoured to be a part of the University of Helsinki’s Language Services, and indebted to all those who worked towards granting me this opportunity. And, I’m delighted to find myself with a new set of talented, inspiring and dedicated colleagues and mentors. What a difference a year makes.

If you haven’t picked up on the common thread running through this post yet, I’ll let you in on a not-so-veiled secret — I’m tremendously grateful for this crazy little life I find myself living. Never in my wildest dreams would this life occurred to me. Yet, it’s pretty f*cking awesome. Is it perfect? Not even close. Is it filled with richness? I’d say so, although not the sort of wealth measured by money or bank statements. Regardless of the many obstacles, difficulties, and nightmarish moments, there’s no other life I’d like to be living.

As we embark on our epic holiday in the sun, be well, my friends. Most of all, be happy. Until 2015…

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Simple gestures

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It amazes me how the tiniest of gestures carry such intense meaning and emotion at times.

It’s no secret in our house and amongst our friends that we aren’t big on gifts for occasions. We prefer to surprise one another with little things we find that we know will carry more meaning and indicate that we’ve been listening to one another, or little things we hope will bring a smile to the other’s face when things aren’t going quite to plan.

Yesterday was my darling husband’s birthday. As far as I was concerned, the day was entirely about making him smile, feeling loved and enjoying his day. Once the workday obligations were met, it was entirely up to him what we ate, what we did, etc. There was much silliness and singing, most of which was insanely off-key and mine. His smile was all the thanks I needed — and his laughter was an even greater gift.

As a part of his birthday celebration, he requested his favourite dishes of mine, something which has become somewhat of a tradition — Chickpeas a la Vanessita (a creation of my own which I made up when we first started dating) dressed with a bit of avocado and lime and chocolate fudge brownies. Despite cleaning up the kitchen whilst everything was cooking, there were still a few things which needed tidying up after we ate, all of which annoys me more than him and which I normally save to do over my morning coffee.

This morning as I entered the kitchen all bleary-eyed and sleepy ready to make my coffee and tackle the dishes whilst it was brewing, I found a relatively spotless kitchen and clean counters, with the exception of this guy:

A tiny little gestures which speaks volumes...

A tiny little gestures which speaks volumes…

I quite literally cannot stop smiling. As I mentioned in my last post, The Cuban continues to surprise me, mostly through things like this simple gesture.

Three years and counting

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Three years ago on this day, I married my best friend and my hero. It’s been a bit more than nine years since we met and decided that we kinda fancied one another. It’s been a blur, really. But, it’s been real and honest and lovely. And, better than I’d thought possible.

There is no one on the planet with whom I’d rather spend the majority of my time, and there is no one who can make me smile and laugh when I least feel like it. From the most boring of days when nothing at all exciting happens to those days when information overload seems blissful and restive, he’s got my back and somehow anticipates precisely what I need (even when I have no idea myself what that is). He’s my ray of sunshine in the darkness and the kick in the ass I need when I’m being absurd. And, he’s my biggest cheerleader when I need that extra bit of encouragement. (I swear, if I bought him the skirt and pom poms, he’d put them on gladly, and learn to do a herkie and the cheers just to make me smile and help me cross the finish line of whatever race I’m running.)

I’d of course imagined having a partner in life before he and I met, and hoped I’d find one. I never expected the reality to be infinitely better and more meaningful than anything I’d dreamed of, I must admit. Perhaps what’s most surprising to me is his ability to continue to surprise me.

Best of all, it just keeps getting better.

Happy Anniversary, my darling. I can’t wait to see where we go next.

First of many selfies, ca 2005

First of many selfies, ca 2005

Sunshine and sunscreen, ca 2008

Sunshine and sunscreen, ca 2008

Sea, surf and sweetness

Sea, surf and sweetness, ca 2009

Just because, ca 2009

Just because (and with a side of coffee), ca 2009

Just after we got hitched, 24 August 2011 (Helsinki)

Just after we got hitched, 24 August 2011 (Helsinki)

Random rabbit

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A random rabbit found in a shop doorway on Midsummer's Eve

A random rabbit perched on a shop’s door knob on Midsummer’s Eve

It is hard to walk anywhere in the Helsinki area and not find a random object propped up in a way that it’s owner will find it. Each of these items inspires its own story and I often wonder how it got there and whether it will be found by whomever lost it.

Throughout the winter months, these items mostly consist of random mittens and gloves positioned on tree branches and other pointy objects along the various pathways for easy spotting. In summer, objects tend to be a bit more unusual—pacifiers, eye glasses and sun glasses, umbrellas, etc—and harder to spot. But, not this wonderfully bright and cheerful guy.

Yesterday, as we made our way through an eerily deserted city centre, we spied this random rabbit. Propped up on the door handle of one of the many closed-up and empty stores, he looked rather cheerful and oddly protective. In some ways, it was as if he completely belonged there.

Perched in the doorway, I imagined him greeting passersby as he watched what little foot traffic there was, reminding everyone that, despite the dark clouds and brisk temps, it was indeed Midsummer’s Eve. ‘Yes, yes. We are closed until Monday. But, have a lovely holiday weekend! It’s all downhill from here, folks!’

Who knows if he belongs to someone attached to the store. Most likely, some child chucked him from their stroller and will be gutted to have lost his/her beloved bunnie. Perhaps, later that evening, the frazzled parent of the distraught child retraced their steps and delightfully found him. Child will be happy and consoled and parents will be relieved. I hope this was the case, for the sake of both the parent and the child, as well as for the bunnie.

If not, here’s hoping that this lovely creature remained protected in his little doorway, and eventually finds his way back to his family and home. Should he be adopted by another family, may they all be even more delighted than those who lost him.

I’d love it even more if next time I’m in that neighbourhood, he’s still sat there, silently, cheerfully and brightly watching the world pass him by. Wouldn’t that be something?

 

The persistence of remembrance

by in #365grateful, Everyday Life, Expat life, Random musings and tagged , , | 2 Comments

It’s been a long, long while. My silence on the page has not equated with a silence in the mind.

This April marked 10 years since my last visit to my homeland and what was once home in that most abstract sense. So, so much has happened in that time on both sides of the pond and in both of the worlds my life now straddles. In short, life happened, both for me and for those who remained ‘there’.

Whilst, physically, I occupy a space far removed from what was once and in some ephemeral sense will always be my home, the persistence of that life and all the various actors in it pulls and tugs and in some ways torments me. As much as I have come to love my European life, I long for the quiet familiar of people and things I’ve known in the way you know a crack in the ceiling which has existed for as long as you can remember. Mostly, I miss individuals and the moments shared with them.

The wonder that is the virtual world, which is all too real today as technology outpaces our comprehension of it, has made connecting with and communicating vastly easier and instantaneous. Yet, face-to-face sit downs over coffee, tea, wine, bourbon and beer (not all at once, mind — the particular bevie depends on the person, circumstance and time of day, naturally), coupled with cuisine that is thoroughly representative of a country known for its adolescent gluttony are what I miss most. Seeing the gentle (and perhaps glaring) reality checks that time has indeed passed up close and personal feels somehow necessary. Being able to hear and feel an old friend’s voice and silent breath seems priceless at the moment. And, yes, perhaps finally and definitively laying to rest a few ghosts from days’ past has weighed (at times, heavily) on my mind.

Perhaps this longing and need have made finding my voice and putting down those thoughts in some sort of coherent mess so tedious as of late. Sure, life and with that I mean work has occupied much of that mental space normally reserved for the cathartic purging of the mind. But, carving out time to process the beauty, joy, mind-bendingly absurd, action-inducing rage and mundane helps clarify where I need to go next, what I need to ‘focus’ on and where most of my energy should be spent. It helps highlight what is important and what is essentially trivial non-sense. And, it reminds me of just how far I’ve come and how much I want to still accomplish on this crazy journey.

Still, memory is a funny thing.

I think it was my first trip to the UK when I learned of the Remembrance Poppy. When I see poppies now, I remember. I remember those who I cannot be with for whatever reason. Lately, I am remembering the home that was, whilst also realising how fortunate I am to have found a new one. I wonder if that persistent tug of war between the two will ever ease.

In many ways, I hope it doesn’t.

The peace of a poppy

The peace of a poppy

Waiting room antiques

by in #365grateful, Everyday Life, Finland, Health, Healthcare, Helsinki, Random musings and tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment
Unexpectedly transported to another time

Unexpectedly transported to another time

Finland has a most impressive national healthcare system universally available to all residents. In terms of efficiency against quality, Finland ranks 23rd in the world. Touch wood, we’ve been fortunate to remain relatively healthy during our stay here and have enjoyed precious little in the way of waiting times, received excellent services in English and been generally impressed with the level of service and quality of equipment, facilities and medicines (when necessary).

There are moments, however, when we feel as though we’ve stepped into a time machine and been transplanted into the 1950s or so. From the architecture to the fixtures coupled with the design and decor including the furniture in the lobbies, it’s an incredibly surreal experience.

This particular waiting room is situated in the radiology department in one of the local hospital complexes in Helsinki. It’s a gorgeous location not far from our neighbourhood and not far from the very centre of the city. As with much of Helsinki, it is surrounded by a lovely park, and much of the hospital complex seems far too historically significant to house the modern diagnostic tools necessary for a top-notch healthcare system. Yet, it does.

When we returned a few days ago to this particular waiting room for a routine part of a check up, we once again marveled at the furnishings. These particular chairs and the very long bench/sofas which matched them could be equally appropriate for the set of Mad Men or in an episode of The Jetsons.

What made the experience all the more surreal was the film which was showing on the gigantic flat screen on the wall. Nevermind that the flat screen was a complete mismatch with the rest of the decor. The film playing on it was absolutely perfect. We’ve no idea what the film was nor what was really happening other than what appeared to be a lot of silliness. A Finnish film from most likely the same time period during which the furniture we sat on was manufactured, it perfectly matched the era of the room whilst allowing for a little comedic relief for the nervous patients awaiting their various scans. We watched completely perplexed as various Finnish actors from days gone by paraded around the black-and-white set in a series of dance moves which, quite frankly, made no sense at all. It was fantastic. Utterly and totally fantastic.

What a way to spend a bit of time. The scan went well and all is as it should be in terms of our health and well-being. Many thanks to the fantastic folks in the Finnish healthcare system who not only provide great care, but who also might just have a hidden sense of humour which comes through in the most unlikeliest of places.

Lost and potentially found, part 2

by in #365grateful, Everyday Life, Finland, Gratitude, Helsinki, Inspiration, Random musings and tagged , | 1 Comment
Another day, another lost (and found) mitten

Another day, another lost (and found) mitten

On Sunday evening, I spied the above mitten draped on a branch close to one of the bicycle trails traversing through our neighbourhood. The next morning, it was still there and looking lovelier than ever in the bright yet dappled sunlight, as if it were expectantly awaiting the hand to which it belongs.

Every time I stumble across one of these lost and found although not-yet-reunited items, it gives me hope for humanity. They brighten my day and remind of how even the simplest random acts of kindness and charity can mean the world to another individual. Having lost things myself at one time or another, I understand the joy and relief that accompanies that moment of realisation when finding something I thought was gone forever.

It’d be easy for whoever discovered this mitten to have just left it where it lay. It would have been just as easy to have picked it up and thrown it away. Yet, they didn’t. That someone took the time to pick it up and hang it in a place where it could be easily spotted.

So simple. So easy. And, yet, so selfless. And, dare I say, hopeful. Hopeful that its rightful owner would travel that same route again and discover what they had misplaced, dropped and possibly considered long gone.

A few lines from Edmund Spenser’s The Faerie Queene have been running through my mind since seeing this particular mitten, words which are cued whenever I think of items lost and searched for:

For whatsoever from one place doth fall,
Is with the tide unto an other brought:
For there is nothing lost, that may be found, if sought.

I’d love to hang out near one of these objects sought to witness the instant when it is found once again.

Lost, but will be found…? (Day 68: Proekt 365)

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Day 68: Proekt 365 Lost, and to be found?

Day 68: Proekt 365
Lost, and to be found?

Evidently, Helsinki is the most honest city on the planet. There are signs of this simple truth all around if you just know what to look for.

Today, I spied this lovely little mitten which someone had placed very visibly along one of the paths near our flat. Hopefully, its owner will find it soon enough. It’s lovely and bright in an otherwise colourless landscape and far too beautiful to be without its mate.

Yesterday, I found one of my own gloves which I’d dropped a little closer to home. As we left yesterday afternoon to run a few errands, I notice one of my gloves on the windowsill in our stairwell. Honestly, I didn’t even know I’d lost it! (Thanks to the person who found it!)

You’d be amazed at the items you spot along paths and routes all over the place. We’ve seen reading glasses, scarves, pacifiers, gloves and mittens (obviously) along with a number of different types and styles of hats. Sometimes, they remain there for ages. Others disappear, hopefully after finding their way home.

The general rule seems to be to place the item so that it is roughly at eye level. This can be a challenge given the range of heights for most folks in Helsinki. But, you want to situate the item such that it is obviously waiting to be found. Trees are the most common place lost things are hung so that they may be discovered. Bus stops and benches are also likely spots for the unclaimed and forgotten stuff unintentionally left behind.

It’s nice seeing these little reminders of compassion amongst fellow residents. And, hopefully, all those items which were lost will be found if not by their owners then at least by someone who will appreciate them.

Phenomenal Women (Day 66: Proekt 365)

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Day 66: Proekt 365 International Women's Day

Day 66: Proekt 365
International Women’s Day

The 8th of March is International Women’s Day. During my time in Russia, it was a time of year when all of the men and most women celebrated the ladies in their lives. Men showered women with flowers and raised their glasses to toast the fabulousness that is women. Women, much like every other day, celebrated and supported one another, but with just a bit more sense of sisterhood and infinitely more booze.

As a woman and as a feminist, I’d rather not just have one day when the work, worth, beauty and burdens faced by all women are given the spotlight. I’d rather we applaud ourselves and are celebrated every day. I’d rather we were equally rewarded, equally valued and equally represented in all aspects of life and in every corner. I’d rather we worked towards righting the injustices and eliminating the gender-specific barriers which make life more difficult for women every single day until they were a distant memory.

Still, the fact that I’m admittedly privileged is not lost on me—my husband is a feminist (and at times more so than I am!), I live in a society which places great value on the work of women domestically and beyond the home and I am afforded specific protections which prohibit discrimination against me based solely on my private parts. These are all great things, and for them I am grateful.

That isn’t the case for all women. Far, far too many women. And, not just those who live in lesser developed places, but also women who live in my own society. Whether it is allowing women and girls to attend school, work outside the home, drive, vote, voice their opinions, marry whom they love / wish, choose when and under what conditions to have children or when and with whom to have sex, every day should be an opportunity to make gender equity and justice a reality. For all women. Because all women are of value. All women are beautiful. And, all women should be celebrated. In all our diversity.

On this International Women’s Day, the words of the brilliant Maya Angelou come to mind. Whilst recognising and grieving for the difficulties and outright horrific conditions in which some women are forced to live, I am mindful today (and everyday) of just how amazing women are. Here’s to all of the truly phenomenal women in the world, particularly those who have enriched my life so, so much.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Maya Angelou, ‘Phenomenal Woman’ from And Still I Rise. Copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou. Used by permission of Random House, Inc.

Day 65: Proekt 365 (Lost in translation…)

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Day 65: Proekt 365 Lost in Translation

Day 65: Proekt 365
Lost in Translation

Life took over and threw a few curve balls. The busy-ness of work and a few days of unfortunate news resulted in a short hiatus from the posts which are Proekt 365. Despite a lack of posts, I have been taking time out each day to revel in the little bits of goodness around me. And, there are many even on the gloomiest of days.

Today, though, provided a bit of comedic relief. I’ve recently returned to the life of gym bunnies and joined a local fitness centre. It’s a great, no frills sort of place, with a dedicated women’s only section. No classes, no annoyingly cheerful and well-toned (if not ridiculously young) staff watching to make you feel even more self-conscious—just a bunch of equipment and locker rooms and 24/7 access. And, others hoping to get fit and stay in shape.

In addition to being generally impressed with how low-maintenance the whole process has been thus far, many of the signs hung throughout are written not just in Finnish, of which I understand nothing, but also feature English. I greatly appreciate this bi-lingual attention. But, it also provides a bit of insight as my friend pointed out in just how different English and Finnish are to one another.

Case in point, the picture above. The upper portion of the sign in the Finnish seems a little less cumbersome and wordy in English. The information in both languages, according to my friend whose Finnish is amazing, is the same. It just takes a bit more work to convey the same message in Finnish, evidently.

Oh, Finland. With signs like this, my hope of ever learning any of your native language is once again dashed. Ah well.

It just makes me all the more appreciative of how incredibly awesome Finns’ English is. In another moment from today, I had to phone my bank. The first person who answered the phone told me in absolutely perfect English that, no, she did not speak English. But, if I could hold the line, she would get someone else who did. (I swear, her accent was absolutely perfect and her language skills were flawless!)

Lost in translation, indeed.